Descriptive Writing
We looked at Room 2 Burnham School's blog (see link on the side of our blog) and loved the idea of writing about stalking a cream bun. The children had written amazing stories pretending to hunt their cream bun much like an animal might hunt his prey. They were also encouraged to describe their cream bun without actually stating what it was. We decided to have a go at writing on this topic and kept to their criteria. Here a three stories. Can you guess it is a cream bun they are hunting from the descriptions?
I sneaked into the cloak
bay. I was getting my creamy gooey
sponge. It melted. I sneaked to my lunchbox. I opened my lunchbox and I took a big
bite of my sponge. All the cream
splat all over my face. I licked with
surprise. I licked and licked, and
then there was hardly anything there.
Then I went back to the class.
By Alaa
I stalk the smell of the
fruity lava. I pounce on the
pantry door. I swing it open. I take a big bite. I feel that the clouds have landed on
my tongue. The gooey lava drips
down my throat. The attack
begins. The lava lands on me. I start to burn. I attack back. It squirts cold white clouds on the
lava. It has been defeated and
victory is mine. The lava is so
cold that it turns into fluffy clouds.
More lava squirts out. I
dodge it and it melts on the floor.
I squirt my weapon and before it squirts I eat it.
By Chloe S
I was hiding under my
desk. It was looking at me sitting
there, doing nothing. I was creeping
closer and closer to it. It was
sitting there in my lunchbox, jumping up and down. I pounced on it so it couldn’t run away. It started to run away. It was smooth indeed. I ran after it. I couldn’t stop because of the beaming
smell of blueberry. I finally
caught it. I threw it in my
mouth. It was spongy and
slippery. I couldn’t stop the
squirting in my mouth. It was
delicious. I gobbled it all
up. That was my delicious lunch.
By Rafeea
this blog is awsome!
ReplyDeleteAwesome story guys you made me feel hungry.
ReplyDeleteCool story guys now im hungry
ReplyDeleteWow that made me feel very hungry as well. I could just see the delicious food inside your lunch box. Also keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteGraciana rm10
Wow those are some good stories. And i think those are very descriptive writing. The first story made me think alot. I like how one of them said squirt.
ReplyDeletefrom Yusuf room 11
I really liked your story rafeea I wish i had lunch like you.
ReplyDeletefancy stalking a cream bun. I might stalk a custard square! Yum.
ReplyDeletehi, This blog is great its so inspiring. I love it. It is so good that all my friends should see it. It would be great if you were to see my blog at lilz.edublogs.org/
ReplyDeleteSee you soon, Lilz.
There's some super descriptive writing here. There are lots of great adjectives and powerful verbs that help to create a real clear picture in my mind. I also quite fancy a cream bun now!
ReplyDeleteMrs Stones - Miriam Lord Primary, Bradford, U.K.
http://bradfordschools.net/blog/miriamlord100wc/
rebeca rm8
ReplyDeletewow that looks like peace of good writting chloe s
I think your class work together ,and also I think you are a good class at the Hamilton East School. I think your special foods is very tasty. And also good quilty works .
ReplyDelete