Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Descriptive Writing

We looked at Room 2 Burnham School's blog (see link on the side of our blog) and loved the idea of writing about stalking a cream bun.  The children had written amazing stories pretending to hunt their cream bun much like an animal might hunt his prey.  They were also encouraged to describe their cream bun without actually stating what it was.  We decided to have a go at writing on this topic and kept to their criteria.  Here a three stories.  Can you guess it is a cream bun they are hunting from the descriptions?


I sneaked into the cloak bay.  I was getting my creamy gooey sponge.  It melted.  I sneaked to my lunchbox.  I opened my lunchbox and I took a big bite of my sponge.  All the cream splat all over my face.  I licked with surprise.  I licked and licked, and then there was hardly anything there.  Then I went back to the class.
By Alaa

I stalk the smell of the fruity lava.  I pounce on the pantry door.  I swing it open.  I take a big bite.  I feel that the clouds have landed on my tongue.  The gooey lava drips down my throat.  The attack begins.  The lava lands on me.  I start to burn.  I attack back.  It squirts cold white clouds on the lava.  It has been defeated and victory is mine.  The lava is so cold that it turns into fluffy clouds.  More lava squirts out.  I dodge it and it melts on the floor.  I squirt my weapon and before it squirts I eat it.
By Chloe S

I was hiding under my desk.  It was looking at me sitting there, doing nothing.  I was creeping closer and closer to it.  It was sitting there in my lunchbox, jumping up and down.  I pounced on it so it couldn’t run away.   It started to run away.  It was smooth indeed.  I ran after it.  I couldn’t stop because of the beaming smell of blueberry.  I finally caught it.  I threw it in my mouth.  It was spongy and slippery.  I couldn’t stop the squirting in my mouth.  It was delicious.  I gobbled it all up.  That was my delicious lunch.
By Rafeea

11 comments:

  1. this blog is awsome!

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  2. Awesome story guys you made me feel hungry.

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  3. Cool story guys now im hungry

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  4. Wow that made me feel very hungry as well. I could just see the delicious food inside your lunch box. Also keep up the great work.

    Graciana rm10

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  5. Wow those are some good stories. And i think those are very descriptive writing. The first story made me think alot. I like how one of them said squirt.

    from Yusuf room 11

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  6. I really liked your story rafeea I wish i had lunch like you.

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  7. fancy stalking a cream bun. I might stalk a custard square! Yum.

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  8. hi, This blog is great its so inspiring. I love it. It is so good that all my friends should see it. It would be great if you were to see my blog at lilz.edublogs.org/
    See you soon, Lilz.

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  9. There's some super descriptive writing here. There are lots of great adjectives and powerful verbs that help to create a real clear picture in my mind. I also quite fancy a cream bun now!

    Mrs Stones - Miriam Lord Primary, Bradford, U.K.

    http://bradfordschools.net/blog/miriamlord100wc/

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  10. rebeca rm8

    wow that looks like peace of good writting chloe s

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  11. I think your class work together ,and also I think you are a good class at the Hamilton East School. I think your special foods is very tasty. And also good quilty works .

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